I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
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You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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