i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
