If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
