I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
