Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
