Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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