I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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