I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
