I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
