The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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