At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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