doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
