I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
