Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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