i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
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Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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