the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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