I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i love accidental penises.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
