i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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