At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
