the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
