Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize