OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
