Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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