Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
