i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
