Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
