So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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