The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
