she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
