Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
