you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
