If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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