are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
