Betty ford says i'm here all night
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
