My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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