I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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