I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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