I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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