the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
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i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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