it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
