Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
