There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
