I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I had to cum in my sink.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
