As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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