I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
