a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
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Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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