thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
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This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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