I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
