Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
