You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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