I am in a vortex of obligation.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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