Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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