so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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