Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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