I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm passing your future prison.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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