Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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