Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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