It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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